(You can read Food Diary #1 here)
Thursday
For breakfast I ate leftover green curry, warmed in the microwave. I made the curry for dinner with a friend yesterday. I love making curry because it’s easy to make it really good- I just sauté onions and garlic, add veggies (I used carrots, cabbage and mushrooms) and sauté those, then add green curry paste, tamari and coconut milk and simmer for a bit. To this curry I added some moose stew meat that I cooked separately, in the instantpot (so it would take one hour instead of four). I cooked the moose meat in a bit of moose broth plus the hunk of hardened moose fat from the jar of broth. I also added dried onions, garlic, salt and pepper. Once the curry is all combined and the heat is off I squeeze a lemon into it. I only recently realized how important acid is in cooking, or rather how it can take something that’s fine and make it really good.
I worked all morning. I drank a cup of rose black tea and a cup of decaf earl grey while I worked, and ate some dark chocolate as well as a gluten-free oreo. At 1pm I made lunch- a salad with greens, moose sausage and brown rice, and the same dressing I always make- a mix of olive oil, mustard, tamari and the liquid from a Costco jar of kalamata olives, shaken up in a mason jar and stored in the fridge. I took the dogs for a walk- the rain had stopped! And rare sunshine was filtering down through the yellow birch leaves in the park. On one hand, Anchorage is the ugliest place I’ve ever lived- huge streets full of cars, sprawling strip malls that were built in the seventies and then left to decay. On the other hand, amongst the sprawl are all of these miles-long wooded parks- basically just original chunks of boreal forest that were never cut down- and in these parks are a network of paved bike paths that take you in a 45-ish mile loop around the city, almost entirely in the woods. There’s also lakes for swimming and fishing and ice skating in these woods, and mud-flat beaches and streams that run with salmon, and in the winter the paths are groomed as ski trails. So on one hand, a great deal of pavement and stripmalls, an environment totally hostile to pedestrians and cyclists. On the other hand, these trails.
(Funnily enough, Outside magazine just published this list of the fifteen happiest cities in the US and Anchorage is on there)
We had a nice walk on the trails- the dogs didn’t find any human feces to eat today- and then I worked for a few more hours. I also ate tortilla chips, a microwaved Costco chicken sausage, a single dried fig, and some of the peanut butter I was using to hide Niknik’s heart medication when I added it to her dinner.
At five I rode my bike to meet a friend at a film, but it was really warm in the space where we watched the film and I was having a hard time staying awake. It was still beautiful on my bike ride home, the light long, but cold- it’s been in the forties lately, feels a lot like Portland winter. Anchorage fall is Portland winter, ha ha ha.
At home I ate an evening snack I sometimes enjoy, which is oatmeal with Costco frozen strawberries in it. I finished listening to the audiobook of The Silent Patient while I chopped up cabbage and daikon and bok choy to make kraut. I’ve been reading thrillers lately because I’m trying to learn how to write books with surprises in them. The plot twist in The Silent Patient wasn’t so much shocking as it was sad, and also kind of beautiful. We’re all completely insane, we all want to be loved, we all think we’re unworthy of love.
I haven’t made kraut in a long time, and I’ve missed it. I didn’t have any half-gallon jars and a few days ago I final found a few at the store and when I got home I realized that one of them was cracked. It kind of broke me, and felt like a metaphor for the way my life has felt lately.
After getting the veggies all chopped and soaking in their overnight saltwater baths I ate some olives straight from the jar, and some snap pea crisps.
Friday
I slept badly and woke up exhausted. Oh, depression. I knew when I moved back to Alaska in 2021 that it was an experiment in seeing if I could physiologically endure so much lack of bright light. Now is the time of year to leave Alaska and get some sun- the ink-black dark of fall, before the sparkly white of winter, which is easier. The last two falls I did leave, to hike the AZT in 2021 and to surf in Portugal in 2022. This year I was planning to stay- Niknik’s health has been not so good, and I didn’t want to leave her with a dogsitter. She had terrible dental infections, but her heart disease is too advanced for her to be able to get the anesthesia she would need to get the teeth pulled. Then the vet suggested antibiotics- she would cycle on and off of them for the rest of her life- they would keep the infection in her teeth at bay, so that it would not wreck her. We tried a round of antibiotics, and she completely recovered. She went from not wanting to leave her bed, not wanting to walk or pee or poop, puss leaking out of one of her molars, to walking 4-6 miles a day with me again, happy and jumpy and full of joy, rotten molar looking calm. And as I sank into despair at the dwindling light I decided that I would take a trip this fall after all.
So, I’m going to southern Utah for the last two weeks of October, to scout routes for the guided hikes I’m offering in April. I want to find a route that is perfect for the needs and experience level of my hikers. And then I’m spending November in Nicaragua, surfing!
I’ve never been to Nicaragua. I’ve only been to Central America once, in 2002 when I spent a month in Guatemala. I took Spanish language classes and walked footpaths between villages in the mountains. I ate chicken noodle soup and drank cinnamon tea (ceylon cinnamon, which I think tastes better than the cassia cinnamon we use in the US). I learned last year that Nicaragua is a favored destination of beginner surfers. It also has a reputation of being a dirt cheap place to travel to, but interestingly enough, it’s currently not- while it’s still more affordable than almost anywhere in the US, in my research I found it to be more expensive than current prices in Portugal. I think this is because of how fast word travels these days, about what places to go. And honestly, good for Nicaragua- locals are probably making hella money off of tourism right now.
As soon as I started planning this trip I felt some relief, a little blip of light at the end of my depression tunnel. Something to look forward to. Sunshine and slickrock and then the humid jungle and the warm ocean. I guess this means that I should just plan on taking a trip every fall, if I’m going to stay in Alaska. I’m so grateful that my lifestyle (self employed with no children) allows me to take trips. If I couldn’t leave Alaska I would not live here.
For breakfast I had more leftover green curry and rose black tea. I worked all morning, drank more tea, ate dark chocolate. I honestly love working from the desk in my room- I have a big window that looks out at the leafy backyard, and a spider plant the previous tenants left behind. The dogs go into donut mode on the bed behind me, waiting for their afternoon walk.
For lunch I roasted some tiny potatoes that I found in the cupboard that I’d been meaning to cook for a while and ate those with a salmon burger on a bed of greens. The kraut was ready to be packed in jars so I did that, then I took the dogs to the coastal trail (the trails in Anchorage truly are the best thing about this city) and we had a wonderful walk in the sun. Everyone else seemed to be out too, biking or running or walking, and people expressed delight at my dogs, as they often do here, because there aren’t many chihuahuas in Alaska. Some of the wild roses along the trail still had flowers on them and in the distance across the water you could see the Alaska range, white with new snow.
I ran some errands and once home ate a few more roasted potatoes, cold, straight from the Tupperware in the fridge, and then tried to take a nap. I was going to a show later that started at 10:30 pm (!!) and napping first was the only way I was gonna rally for that. I didn’t actually sleep but my brain did that thing that happens right before sleep, which feels like a tight ball of wire unspooling, like my brain is unclenching its jaw, and is almost as rejuvenating as actual sleep.
I walked in the long evening light to meet a few friends for dinner. While walking I started up a new thriller, The Villa, on the Libby app. I liked it right away. I love a masterful storyteller. I love how good writers can carry you away on their words, make you forget that you’re even reading (or listening). I hope to be that good someday. Maybe when I’m seventy.
We had dinner in my friend’s backyard, because even though it was cold (like 45 degrees?) we were all desperate for the light and it wasn’t raining, so. We had tacos with homemade curtido, tomatillo salsa and pickled carrots. We joked about the Alaskan Dream (no kids and a seasonal job) and thought up alternatives to the acronym DINK (Double Income No Kids) such as DIJW (Double Income Just Worms)(one friend has a worm bin) and DIT (Double Income Tomatillos)(she grew the tomatillos for the salsa). After dinner I walked home in the dark, ate some chocolate and changed into hard pants for the show. The older I get the less I want to wear denim, and the fancier I feel when I put it on.
The show was at Chilkoot Charlie’s, a bar in Anchorage that I’d never been to, even though it is quite the historical and wackadoo establishment. It’s a huge log building with all these different loud and dimly-lit rooms leading one into the other, each room with a different show or DJ or video games or pool tables or whatever. And the décor is cluttered and maximalist to the point of overwhelming the senses, so that I couldn’t tell you what any of it even was, just a blur of noise and shadow and different colored lights. I walked through all of these different themed rooms, never knowing which way to turn just following the vibes, to the very last one, and that was where the show was. The band was Ayla Ray, from Homer, and they are very good. Alaska has a lot of good musicians? It’s neat. Ayla Ray had set up all these huge fake trees on the stage, with vines and symbols cut into them, and everything lit up different colors, and there were lasers and a fog machine. It was a good show. Since I’m sober though I of course got sleepy sooner than my friends so at midnight I left and drove home and my dogs were happy to see me and I went to bed.
Saturday
I actually slept well, had a dream that I had a tiny worm as a pet and I had to keep it alive, which was stressful. I had more green curry for breakfast and tea and dark chocolate and worked until noon. For lunch I had more of the curry, feeling pressure to try and finish it before it went bad. I guess I shouldn’t have made so much? Then I took the dogs on a hike- it was foggy in the mountains, and the lichens and little tundra plants were a nice autumnal red, and we found new snow at 3500 feet. On the hike I ate a Costco meat stick and some dried figs and listened to more of The Villa. I really like it- the main character is a writer and she’s struggling with writer’s block as she attempts to write the tenth book in her “cozy mystery” series. Then she decides to write a thriller instead (I know, it’s a thriller about someone writing a thriller, and not only that but she’s inspired by another thriller written by another character, which she happens upon and reads, so it’s essentially a thriller about someone writing a thriller about someone writing a thriller.) As soon as she gives herself permission to write this thriller instead of the 10th book in her cozy mystery series she is able to write again, and she says- “I finally feel like me. Writer me. Slipping into some sort of jet stream that only I can see.” And that’s the best description I’ve ever read of what it feels like to write, when the writing feels really good.
After the hike I showered and then I met some friends for dinner at the Bearstooth- I hadn’t eaten there before, and there were surprisingly a lot of gluten-free options. I got a bahn mi burger on a GF bun with roasted brussels sprouts and it was really, really good. Especially the brussels sprouts- they tasted like they’d been roasted twice, and then deep fried, and then roasted again. Before bed I cleaned the bathroom and finally put away all my moose-hunting gear in our gear room, and did some laundry.
Sunday
Curry again for breakfast- I was determined to finish it, and I did! And then I picked up a friend for a long hike in the mountains. The forecast was good and I wanted to make the make the best of it, had a feeling that if I could just get some sunlight my depression would be eased. I did, and it was. We hiked up to bird ridge and then followed the ridge back as far as time would allow- I’d never hiked north along that ridge and it was surprisingly chill and so beautiful and fun.
While hiking I ate pistachios, dried figs, dark chocolate, snap pea crisps, turkey jerky and a kind bar. We marveled at the golden aspens and little red tundra plants, the sun glittering on the water in turnagain arm and the new white snow on the jagged peaks in the distance. We talked about Alaskan “mountain runners”, a special kind of person who will run epic distances in the Chugach through arduous cross-country terrain with piles and piles of vert carrying just a hydration pack, a few gels and a wind shirt. I first realized these people existed in 2020 when I started making my chugach route- I would massively toil to get to these remote ridges, where one might climb six thousand feet for every ten miles of travel, and while collapsed, breathless, in the crowberry several (ten mile) days in, I would see a small speck in the distance, and that speck would grow larger- a runner. I would look at my map, trying to figure out where the runner had come from- that scketchy peak? The glacier? That precipitous slope of alders? And the runner would pass me, give a little wave and continue on- unfatigued and full of good spirits. Earlier this summer, when re-hiking a section of the route with a friend, we saw one of these runners in the north fork of the ship creek valley- while we plodded, our packs heavy on our backs, he practically skipped along, going the opposite direction- but to where? The steep, crumbly pass we’d just come over, and the brushy overgrown trail beyond? And from where? We were so far from anything. What if a storm came in? Would he get cold? And how would he get out before dark?
I like to think that these mountain runners have a secret society, and they know everything about the chugach- every sheep trail in the scree, every bear trail through the alders. They only share it amongst themselves. It’s probably a facebook group.
At home I walked the dogs in the light that was still so good and yellow. I was happy in an uncomplicated way and I felt annoyed at how dependent my mood and energy is on the weather- how am I supposed to make meaning if everything is just brain chemicals, which my body releases when the sun is out but holds hostage when it rains for too long? Embodiment is weird, man.
For dinner I made the soup I like to eat a lot in winter, which is just moose bone broth with Costco rice ramen and meat and veggies thrown in- this time I used chicken sausage and some sauteed green beans. I also made a salad with greens, fake feta and my ubiquitous kalamata mustard dressing. It was dark by then and I was tired so I put myself to bed early for once in my life.
Monday
It was dark when I woke (the equinox has passed and the dark is coming fast now, swallowing the day in huge gulps) and I made tea and a weird combo of things for breakfast- I had some leftover refried beans I needed to finish so I made a bean quesadilla with fake cheese on a GF tortilla and then also ate a salmon burger patty. And dark chocolate. I worked all morning and snacked- I had snap pea crisps and a bowl of oatmeal with frozen strawberries in it. For lunch I ate more random stuff- a Costco chicken sausage microwaved with frozen peas. (I actually really like frozen peas. And canned peas!) I took the dogs for a long walk in Far North Bicentennial Park, aka the park with the name that’s too clunky. I’ve been trying to think of a better name for it- the park with the scary bear signs? The land of twenty brown bears? Grizzly park?
While walking I listened to more of The Villa. I continue to just be so pleased by this book and all its twists and turns. I’m not sure actually what genre it is- maybe not exactly thriller but something thriller-adjacent- but whatever it is apparently it’s a genre that I really enjoy.
For dinner I cooked up some moose sausage and brown rice and ate it on a salad. Then I went to a friend’s to hang for a bit, thought about going to the climbing gym after but was really tired. When I got home I ate dried figs and finished my snap pea crisps. It was the Costco bag (maybe you could’ve guessed that ha ha) so finishing the bag felt like a real achievement.
Tuesday
I had weird nightmares but woke up feeling pretty good and sauteed some cabbage and onions and ate that with moose sausage and brown rice for breakfast. Before starting work I sat on the couch in the morning sun(!!) streaming in the big livingroom window and drank my tea and scrolled a bit and texted with a friend about this interesting lesson I’m learning from reading thrillers- there seems to be a trope in thrillers where there is one character who is supremely Chill. And the other characters envy this one character because we’re all so messy, right? And insecure and we have these embarrassing Needs and Feelings, if only we could be chill like that one chill person, completely without attachments, what a thing to inspire to! But then in the thriller it turns out that the Chill person is actually completely coocoo bananas, and they’ve just been repressing it, stuffing it down, and then they finally explode and murder someone! And surprise, they’re the murderer after all! And they were never actually chill! In fact they were the least chill of everyone!
I think the lesson here is that literally no-one is chill, and if someone seems chill it’s just because you haven’t seen their non-chill side yet, and that person could in fact be bottling all their feelings up to the point of total breakdown, and the best thing to do is own our feelings, be kind and patient with ourselves, to process things in a timely manner even if that feels scary or we’re afraid of other people seeing and perceiving our mess, and to try not to have so much shame around having feelings and needs in the first place. So that the problem doesn’t just get worse and worse until we (spoiler!) snap and bludgeon someone to death with a statue we find in the foyer of an ancient mansion.
I worked until 1pm and then ate microwave nachos (tortilla chips, fake cheese, refried beans, moose sausage) and decided I wanted to go on a trail run. I’m really not much of a runner these days but this is like the fourth?! Sunny day in a row and at this point I feel invincible. And anyway, even when I am a runner I’m not a fast runner, it’s more of just a way of making day hikes less slow- I walk all the uphills and rocky parts and anything else I feel like walking.
I drove to the trailhead and it was just perfectly crisp out- 40 degrees but so warmly yellow, and I felt so good. I switchbacked above the trees to a tundra pass and then across a rocky meadow to some wee tarns and a huge rocky peak with powdered sugar snow on it. I felt like a happy, embodied little creature just bounding around without a care in the world, and I really feel like if we just got a few more weeks of sun here it would solve all my problems and all my friends’ problems too.
I finished listening to The Villa and all the twists and turns were just the greatest, and then I listened to music on my way down the mountain, and I saw so many good dogs having a nice time off leash, and I just love how Alaska is Dog Anarchy where people have their dogs off leash whenever possible and yeah, sometimes they get in fights but no-one gets mad about it because they like having their dogs off leash too. It’s just nice to see happy dogs, you know?
At home I showered, standing for a long time under the hot water wishing I had a bathtub because even though it’s not all the way winter yet the cold still gets in me, and my favorite thing to do in winter to warm up is taking a shower that then becomes a bath. A friend came over and I made us soup for dinner, my moose broth soup, with rice ramen and peas and chicken sausage and the leftover sauteed vegetables from breakfast. Then we took the dogs on a meandering walk through the neighborhood as the sun set. We watched a couple of episodes of Sex and the City and then my friend went home and I put the dishes in the dishwasher and started some laundry and microwaved a bowl of frozen strawberries.
And therein ends my food diary. I know it should have one more day to make it a full week but this feels like a lot already, does it not?
Also! There’s still spots in my April Utah guided hikes, deets are here. We’re going to wander in the enchanted dez for five whole days! It’s gonna be really special. All my guided trips so far have sold out, so get a spot while you can if you want one, and feel free to email me at carrotquinn4@gmail.com if you have any questions.
Bye for now!
-Carrot
I thought this was just going to be a list of foods and I wondered whether I'd be into it, then I found myself WONDERFULLY mesmerised by your words and descriptions. Absolute pleasure to read.
This was a total banger