I too have been in the middle-aged woman wilderness of what-ifs recently. (I’m a bit older than you, Carrot, but we are of a generation). What if I made different choices in my twenties? What if I didn’t have kids rn? Where would I be? How would my regrets be different? My 20 yo daughter and I are beginning to plan our first thru hike together (TRT ‘25, baby!) and I find myself wanting to grab her and shout, “have all the experiences! Do what you’re scared to do! You have so much time, but also no time at all!!” I don’t know that 20 year olds can hear those words when shouted by their mothers, no matter how much we get along. But maybe I’m shouting them to myself. I realize, maybe I’m coming back around to my plan all along.
I find the idea of identical twins ending up in eerily similar life situations by middle age really comforting, that idea that you would potentially find yourself in the same place whatever decisions you’d made in the past, or whatever path you took. And the fact that of course, there is no right path anyway. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of grieving unlived lives - it is impossible to be all the different potential versions of ourselves, so at some point we just have to choose a path and get on with it, really.
I live in Sweden and I love the winter here but Alaskan winter looks so magical, thank you for sharing these moments from your life!
Wow, I went for an icy swim in Portage Lake last September among the glacier’s icebergs... wild-skating to the glacier by moonlight sounds next-level. I’m back home in New Hampshire now, but an Alaska winter is on my bucket list.
I remember the final scenario for my WFR! I somehow stepped into the role of Incident Commander, maybe because I’d had more prior training/experience than the others? Luckily the instructor didn’t send me into anaphylaxis (though I do carry an epi-pen in the backcountry, just in case).
I have been thinking a lot about how many paths my life could take and all the things that interest me but then how limited I am by ~the state of things~ and my health. But it is also a comforting thought to me to think we’re here to exist with nature and just live however we can and then die. Does any of it really matter? Who knows? Anyway thank you for always sharing pictures of Alaska -- I find it so stunning and one of the things I’d like to do is live there! But that’s also probably not practical because, things, ya know.
I am so delighted that you enjoyed my book, friend! Having to put on the wet clothes in the morning though – WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS lol
I too have been in the middle-aged woman wilderness of what-ifs recently. (I’m a bit older than you, Carrot, but we are of a generation). What if I made different choices in my twenties? What if I didn’t have kids rn? Where would I be? How would my regrets be different? My 20 yo daughter and I are beginning to plan our first thru hike together (TRT ‘25, baby!) and I find myself wanting to grab her and shout, “have all the experiences! Do what you’re scared to do! You have so much time, but also no time at all!!” I don’t know that 20 year olds can hear those words when shouted by their mothers, no matter how much we get along. But maybe I’m shouting them to myself. I realize, maybe I’m coming back around to my plan all along.
I find the idea of identical twins ending up in eerily similar life situations by middle age really comforting, that idea that you would potentially find yourself in the same place whatever decisions you’d made in the past, or whatever path you took. And the fact that of course, there is no right path anyway. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of grieving unlived lives - it is impossible to be all the different potential versions of ourselves, so at some point we just have to choose a path and get on with it, really.
I live in Sweden and I love the winter here but Alaskan winter looks so magical, thank you for sharing these moments from your life!
Wow, I went for an icy swim in Portage Lake last September among the glacier’s icebergs... wild-skating to the glacier by moonlight sounds next-level. I’m back home in New Hampshire now, but an Alaska winter is on my bucket list.
I remember the final scenario for my WFR! I somehow stepped into the role of Incident Commander, maybe because I’d had more prior training/experience than the others? Luckily the instructor didn’t send me into anaphylaxis (though I do carry an epi-pen in the backcountry, just in case).
Thank you for sharing your adventures, Carrot!
I have been thinking a lot about how many paths my life could take and all the things that interest me but then how limited I am by ~the state of things~ and my health. But it is also a comforting thought to me to think we’re here to exist with nature and just live however we can and then die. Does any of it really matter? Who knows? Anyway thank you for always sharing pictures of Alaska -- I find it so stunning and one of the things I’d like to do is live there! But that’s also probably not practical because, things, ya know.
Your understanding that free will is a myth does you credit. You are in the physics of our world. Enjoyed your thoughts. Also liked Nicole’s book.